Sex and Communication
Despite widespread rumors to the contrary, poor sex and poor communication do not ruin relationships; poor relationships ruin sex and communication. If communication skills made the difference specialists claim they make, then therapists and communication specialists would excel at marriage. They do not.
The fifth and final truth of relationship is that success boils down to combining two, seemingly paradoxical capacities: personal power and selflessness. What is more, these only arise in a genuine, healthy way after we have begun parenting our child parts.
The fourth truth of love is that the only way to tend and heal fundamental fears and needs is to nurture ourselves. Once we are aware of and acknowledge our vulnerabilities, we can begin to tend them. In fact, if you would like to resolve 99.7% of all your relationship problems, if you would like to free yourself and your mate from your overwhelming hurts, needs and expectations, then learn how to become your own loving, accepting parent.
If you are just beginning a couple relationship, you and
your partner hopefully enjoy respect, kindness, generosity, a
sharing of intimacy that is both verbal and physical, a spirit of
discovery, passionate mutual interest, and altogether a great
aliveness. Hopefully, you and your partner share conversations
from the heart about your fears and dreams, a heated sexuality,
and leisure and social activities in common, whether they be
cooking, dancing, gardening, or reading together. For most of us,
passion and connection are relatively easy in the beginning
because the obstacles from the bottom of our psychological sea
have yet to surface.
